A recent survey conducted in America showed that 10% of the men after making love rolled over and smoked a cigarette, another 10% got up and washed themselves while the remaining 80% dressed up and went home.

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Question : What do you have if you have a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?

Answer : Not enough sand.

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In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with President Clinton," 86% replied, "Not again".

A Japanese tourist got in a cab and told the driver to drive him to the airport. On their way, a car zoomed by and the Japanese went, "Aaah, Toyota, made in Japan, very faaast!" And then, another car zoomed by and the Japanese went, "Aaah, Nissan, made in Japan, very faaast!" And then, another car zooms by and again the Japanese lets out, "Aaah Mitsubishi, made in Japan, very faaast!"

By this time, the cabby was getting tired of his passenger's nationalistic pride. Upon arriving at the airport, the cabby tells his passenger, "$130 please."

The Japanese went, "$130? It's not that far from the hotel!"

The cabby replied, "Aaah, taxi meter, made in Japan, very faaast!"

An Irishman walked into a bar in Dublin, ordered three pints of Guinness and sat in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished them, he came back into the bar and ordered three more. The bartender asked him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The Irishman replied, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together."

The bartender admitted that was a nice custom, and left it there. The Irishman became a regular in the bar and always drank the same way: he ordered three pints and drank them in turn.

One day, he came in and ordered two pints. All the other regulars in the bar noticed and fell silent, as they figured that one of his brothers had passed away. When he came back to the bar for the second round, the bartender said, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

The Irishman looked confused for a moment, then a light dawned in his eye and he laughed. "Oh, no," he said, "Everyone is fine. I've just quit drinking!"

A Texan farmer went to Australia for a vacation. There he met an Australian farmer and got talking to him. The Australian farmer showed off his big wheat field and the Texan said, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."

Then they walked around the ranch a little, and the Australian showed off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately said, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cattle."

The conversation had, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan saw a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asked the Australian farmer, "And what are those?"

The Australian farmer replied with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas, mate?"

A bloke walks into a nearby bar and after awhile decides to go to the john and sees a black man having a piss. He looks at his tackle and says, "Bugger me, look at the size of that knob, how'd you get a knob that big?"

"Well," says the black man, "I come from Africa and in my tribe it is a custom to tie a rock onto a piece of string and then tie a rock onto your knob, the bigger the knob, the greater your status in the tribe".

"Wow!" the bloke said, and away he goes.

A few weeks later he goes to the same bar, and in the john is the black guy again, "Hi there," he says, "I'm taking your advice and I've tied a brick to my knob to make it bigger".

"Oh" says the black man "Is it working?".

"Well," says the bloke, "It's starting to turn black!"

A beautiful princess from a European country visited a small African nation on a sightseeing tour. The King, during a dinner in the princess' honour, out of the blue asked her to marry him. Naturally, the princess was quite taken aback. However, not wanting to cause a diplomatic ripple, she did not reject the king outright. So, she tried to think of a way to dissuade the king from wanting to marry her.

After a few minutes, the princess said to the king, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want you to buy me a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara." The African king paused for a while. Then, he nodded his head and said, "No problem! I buy, I buy."

Realizing her first condition was too easy, the princess said to the king, "I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France." The African king paused for a while. He took out his cellular phone and called some brokers in New York and in France. He looked at the princess, nodded his head and said, "Okay, okay. I build, I build."

Realizing that she only had one last condition, the princess knew that she had better make this a good one. She took her time to think and finally she got an idea, a sure-to-work condition. She squinted her eyes, looked at the king and said, rather coldly, "Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 12-inch penis." The king seemed a bit disturbed. He cupped his face with his hands and rested his elbows on the table, all the while muttering in African dialect. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king rather sadly shook his head and said to the princess, "Okay, Okay. I cut, I cut."

Two guys from Hungary migrated to America. On their first day off the boat, they were wandering around New York City seeing the sights. As lunch time neared, they came up to a street vendor selling hot dogs.

One said to the other in a shocked tone, "My God, they eat dogs in America?"


"I can't believe it!" said the other, equally appalled.
"Well," said the first, "we're going to be Americans, so we must do as they do."

They approached the vendor bravely.
"Two hot dogs, please."

The vendor handed them their food in paper bags. The two immigrants sat on a park bench to eat their lunch.

One looked inside his bag, hesitated and turned to his partner and said, "Uh, which part of the dog did you get?"