Court Disorder

Excerpts taken from court proceedings that I thought was really silly and funny too. These are actually things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q : Are you sexually active?
A : No, I just lie there!

Q : What is your date of birth?
A : July 15th.
Q : What year?
A : Every year!

Q : What gear were you in, at the moment of impact?
A : Gucci sweats and Reebok!

Q : This myasthenia gravis, does it effect your memory at all?
A : Yes.
Q : And in what ways does it effect your memory?
A : I forget!
Q : You forget? Can you give us an example of something you've forgotten???

Q : How old is your son, the one living with you?
A : Thirty-three or thirty-six, I can't remember which.
Q : How long has he lived with you?
A : Forty-three years.

Q : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A : He said, "Where am I, Christy?"
Q : And why did that upset you?
A : My name is Evon!

Q : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A : We both do.
Q : Voodoo?
A : We do.
Q : You do?
A : Yes, Voodoo.

Q : Now Doctor, isn't it true when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A : Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q : The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q : Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q : So, the date of your conception of your baby was July 9th?
A : Yes.
Q : And what were you doing at that time?

Q : She had three children right?
A : Yes.
Q : How many were boys?
A : None.
Q : Were there any girls?

Q : How was your first marriage terminated?
A : By death.
Q : And by whose death was it terminated?

Q : Can you describe the individual?
A : He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q : Was this a male or female?

Q : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A : No, this is how I dress when I go to work!

Q : Doctor, how many autopsies have you done on dead people?
A : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q : ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A : Oral!

Q : Do you recall the time you examined the body?
A : The autopsy started around 7:30 pm
Q : And Mr Wellington was dead at that time?
A : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q : Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A : No.
Q : Did you check for blood pressure?
A : No.
Q : Did you check for breathing?
A : No.
Q : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A : No.
Q : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q : But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere!