A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Bacon and eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? Maybe a nice sectioned grapefruit, and a cup of fresh coffee?" He declines, "It's this Viagra," he says, "It has really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of home made bean soup, maybe, with a cheese sandwich? Or, how about a plate of snacks and a glass of milk?" Again, he declines. "No, thanks. It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat, offering to go to the cafe and buy him a burger for supper. "Or, would you rather I make you a pizza from scratch? Or, how about a tasty stir fry? That'll only take a couple of minutes." Once more, he declines. "Again, thanks, but it's the Viagra. It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

"Well, then," she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'M STARVING!"

Thanks to Nihal, he sent me this really funny joke about the benefits of Viagra ... now, this is really helpful. LOL :))

Mike visited his elderly father at the hospital and there he heard rumours that the old patients were given Viagra. He approached the nurse and asked if it was true, and if so, what was the rational for this unorthodox treatment.

The nurse said that the patients were given hot chocolate and, yes, Viagra, before they went to bed. She explained, "The hot chocolate makes them sleep better and the Viagra stops them from falling off the beds."

A man, showing his friend, an expensive bottle of multi-vitamin pills said, "These are supposed to make me a new man."

"So are you a new man now?" his friend asked.

"I don't think so," he answered. "My wife still recognises me when I come back late at night."

A man was badly constipated so he went to a doctor to try to alleviate his problem. The doctor prescribed suppositories to be administered once every four hours. When he got home, he quickly took a suppository, swallowing it down with a glass of water. After four hours, nothing happened, so he swallowed another one.

After several days, he was still constipated, so he returned to the doctor, complaining that the treatment was not doing him any good.

The doctor, in jest, asked, "You must have been swallowing them?"

The man replied, sarcastically, "No, I shove them up my ass!!"

A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He went home to tell his wife and after both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him because he only had 24 hours to live. "Of course Darling," she replied. And so they had sex.

Four hours later they were lying in bed and he turned to her again, and said, "You know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?" Again she responded sympathetically and agreed to have sex.

Another 8 hours passed, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion, he tapped her on the shoulder, and asked her again, "You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?" By this time she was getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agreed.

After they finished she went back to sleep and 4 hours later, he tapped her on the shoulder again and said, "Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?"

Well, she turned to him with a grimaced look on her face and said, "You know ... you don't have to get up in the morning. I do!!!"

I really don't know which Doctor wrote this, but I like him!

Health, Question and Answer Session.

Q : I've heard that Cardiovascular exercise can prolong life, is this true?
A : Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it .... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap!

Q : Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A : You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable)

Q : Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A : No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q : How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A : Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one , etc.

Q : What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A : Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is simple, No pain ...... Good!

Q : Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A : You're not listening!!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated
in it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A : Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q : Is chocolate bad for me?
A : Are you crazy? HELLO. Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's best feel-good food around!

Q : Is swimming good for my figure?
A : If swimming is good for your figure, explain Whales to me.

Q : Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A : Hey 'Round' is a shape!

Well I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And Remember : Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Cabernet in one hand - Chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "Woo Hoo, What a Ride"