This is a story about a husband and wife who are waiting at a nearby bus stop with their nine children. Shortly afterwards, a blind man joins them and decides to wait for the bus as well. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded with passengers and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk to their intended destination. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is really driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up."

Shawn and Mabel get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Shawn's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together. In the morning, Mark, Shawn's little brother gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Shawn and Mabel are up yet. She replies, "No." Mark asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Mark comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Shawn and Mabel up yet?" She replies, "No." Mark says, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Mark comes home and asks again, "Are Shawn and Mabel up yet?" His mom says, "No." He asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "OK, now tell me what you think?"

He says, "Last night Shawn came to my room for the Vaseline and I think ... I gave him my airplane glue ..."

This five year old girl came home from kindergarten one day with a 'connect-the-dot' project she had just completed. Her mother admired her work and, after praising her, sent her to play with her three year old sister in the living room. Some time later, the mother decided the girls were too quiet and went to investigate.

She found the two girls on the floor with the family pet. They were using marker pens to connect the dots on their Dalmatian!

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A judge told the man in front of him : "It's alcohol, and alcohol alone that's responsible for your condition."

He answered : "You've made me a very happy person. Everyone tells me it's all my fault."

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A monkey in a deep jungle looked at the explorer and said to the monkey beside him, "To heck with the Darwin theory - they're not going to make a man out of me."

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was frequently disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelons patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.

He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign which read : 'Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide.' The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign.

When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read : 'Now there are two!!'

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Mark was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Mark".

The teacher asked, "What if Mark went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

Little Timmy went up to his mother and said, "Mommy, how old are you?" The mom said, "Son, there are some questions you should never ask a lady, and that's one of them." The boy said, "Okay, Mommy. How much do you weigh?" She said, "Son, that's another question you should never ask a lady." The boy said, "Okay, Mommy. Why did you and daddy get a divorce?" The mom said, "Okay, that's enough questions for now. Why don't you go outside and play?"

Little Timmy went outside and saw a friend of his. He said to the friend, "I kept asking my mom all of these questions about herself, and she wouldn't answer them."

His resourceful friend said, "You know what you should do? You should go into her purse and look at her driver's license. They have all sorts of neat information on those."

Little Timmy thought it was a good idea. So, he went into the house and got his mom's driver's license, then looked it over. Then, he went to his mom, and said mischievously, "Guess what, mom? I looked at your driver's license, and now I know how old you are!" The mom said, "Really?" The boy said, "Yeah, you're 33! And I know how much you weigh, too!" The surprised mom said, "Oh, really?" Little Timmy said, "Yea, you weigh 150 pounds. And I also know why daddy divorced you, too!"

At this point, the paranoid mom said, "You do??" and Little Timmy said, "Yea, because you got an 'F' in sex!"