We're back with Part II as we journey the net to capture the funny side of 'Call Centers' and we take off from where we left off - Part I, actual Call Center conversations !

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'. Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!) :

Operator : 'Mark Spencer, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller : 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator : 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller : 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away'
Operator : 'Went away?'
Caller : 'They disappeared.'
Operator : 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller : 'Nothing.'
Operator : 'Nothing??'
Caller : 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator : 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller : 'How do I tell?'
Operator : 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller : 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator : 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller : 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator : 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller : 'What's a monitor?'
Operator : 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller : 'I don't know.'
Operator : 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller : 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator : 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller : 'Yes, it is.'
Operator : 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller : 'No.'
Operator : 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller : 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator : 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller : 'I can't reach.'
Operator : 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller : 'No.'
Operator : 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
Caller : 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator : 'Dark??'
Caller : 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator : 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller : 'I can't.'
Operator : 'No? Why not??'
Caller : 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator : 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator : 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller : 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator : 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller : 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator : 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!'

Believe it or not, these are actual Call Center conversations recorded from various companies. I found them really amusing and thought it would be fun to share them with my readers as well.

Customer : "I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?"
Operator : "Where did you get that number from, Sir?"
Customer : "It was on the door to the Travel Center"
Operator : "Sir, they are our opening hours."

An Electronics Company
Caller : "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator : "I'm sorry, Sir, I don't understand who you're talking about."
Caller : "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide, it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator : "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall."

A Motoring Service
Caller : "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia?"
Operator : "Doesn't the product name give you a clue?"

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in France) : "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

Directory Enquiries
Caller : "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please."
Operator : "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller : "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar, but the 'B' fell off."

Then there was a caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator : "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller : "Yes. That's what it says in the label, 'Woven in Scotland'."

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator : "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on."

Technical Support Center
Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "OK."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "OK, right-click again, do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "OK Sir. Can you tell me what you have done, up until this point?"
Customer : "Sure. You told me to 'write' click and I wrote 'click'."

Tech Support : "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Caller : "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks, will I have my file back again?"

So now, don't forget to join us for Part II, as take on the funny world of Call Centers :)

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.

On his first day, he wanted to reach the kitchen department in his building, so he dialed the number and shouted into the phone, "Get me a cup of coffee, quickly".

The voice from the other side responded, "You fool! You've dialed the wrong extension. Do you know who you're talking to?"

"No", replied the trainee.

"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"

The trainee shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"

"No", replied the Managing Director angrily.

"Thank God", replied the trainee and put down the phone.

A man dialed his home phone number from work. A strange woman answered the phone.

Man : "Who is this?"
Woman : "This is the maid."
Man : "We don't have a maid!"
Woman : "I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
Man : "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
Woman : "Ummm .... she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."

(The man was shocked and furious.)

Man : "Listen, would like to make $50,000?"
Woman : "What do I have to do?"
Man : "I want you to get my gun from my desk in the hall and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with."

(The woman puts down the phone and the man could hear footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshot's. A while later the woman came back to the phone.)

Woman : "What should I do with the bodies?"
Man : "Just throw them in the swimming pool!"
Woman : "Swimming pool? There's no pool."

(Long pause)

Man : "Uh ..... is this 873 - 6833 ??"