A 90-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 90-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 23-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a moment and then began. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was setting off to go hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.

He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he would not be able to shoot the magnificent creature but, out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it was his favourite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "If you ask me , I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly".

Two blonde's were on a plane on a long distance flight. Halfway in the air, the captain announced, "If you look out of the plane on your right, you will see that we have lost an engine, but not to worry, we still can make it safely to our destination with three engines. However, we'll be two hours late."

Later, the captain announced that they had lost another engine. "But don't worry, we'll be able to make it with two engines. However we'll be four hours late," he said.

Then again, the captain came on to announce that they had lost yet another engine. "But don't worry, we'll still be able to make it with a single engine. However we'll be six hours late," he said.

Then one blonde said to the other, "I hope they don't lose another engine or we'll be up here all day."

A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of rum. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the rum then starts walking out the door.

The bartender says , "Hey, aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says, "Alright then." And the man leaves.

A few minutes later another man with with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of rum. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the rum, then starts walking out the door.

The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says, "Alright then." And the man leaves.

The Scotsman that is still sitting at the bar, gets an idea after seeing all this. He walks up to the bar and orders a shot of rum. He drinks it and then starts walking out the door.

The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you going to pay for that?" The Scotsman says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says, "Hey, where is your big black beard?"

The Scotsman thinks for a moment...... and then immediately lifts his kilt and says, "Secret Service"