THIS IS REAL FUNNY - ACTUAL LETTER TAKEN FROM THE TIMES OF INDIA .

RESPONSE TO A 'MARRIAGE PROPOSALS' ADVERTISEMENT!

Madam :

I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore .

Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab. I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket, and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay. Ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and my things into your hand.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day. Fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon


Yours and only yours

On their 40th Wedding Anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Mike was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us, Mike, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

Mike responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness .... and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."

Some people say, the story of marriage is passe (no longer fashionable, out-of-date, etc), as some countries even see an astounding 60% of them end only in divorce. Maybe it's because most couples nowadays are just too busy trying to make ends meet, and not long after, find both their worlds comes crashing down.

Good communication skills are vital in determining a happy marriage life together! (But you people know me better ...... "life need not always be that serious!" right?) Always add laughter into your lives, and surely no obstacle would be too hard to overcome :)

Take this for example :


Before Marriage

• He : Yes at last. It was so hard to wait.
• She : Do you want me to leave?
• He : No! Don't even think about it.
• She : Do you love me?
• He : Of course! Over and over!
• She : Have you ever cheated on me?
• He : No! Why are you even asking?
• She : Will you kiss me?
• He : Every chance I get.
• She : Will you hit me?
• He : Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
• She : Can I trust you?
• He : Yes.
• She : Darling!

After Marriage

• Simply read from bottom to top.

A young couple was married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom.

When she gets to the bathroom door, he opens the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well. Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, "What's THAT?", pointing to a small part of his anatomy.

He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night." And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?"