A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband asked as he entered the room. "Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked the idea so much, I got one for us, too."

No more was said about the "statue". Later that night after they had gone to sleep, around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went into the kitchen, and returned with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the statue, "eat this. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water."

After a long nite of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."