A Damn Fine Explanation

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset.

'You are a disrespectful husband!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!'

And the husband replied 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.'

'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed, 'but they'll be the last words you'll ever say to me!!

And the husband began -

'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was thin, poorly dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days !

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas which I made for you last night - remember, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I went and found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas – the one that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at that expensive shoe boutique and don't use because you said someone at work has the same pair.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued -

'She was so grateful for my understanding and help, and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'