This new guy gets hired on at a utilities store. The owner puts him through a period of training to teach him to be a good salesman. He says, "The best way to be a good salesman is to take a small sale and turn it into a big sale. For example, do you see the guy coming in the door right now, watch this." The owner goes over to the guy and says, "Sir, can I help you with something?" And the guy says, "Yea, I need a garden hose."

"Well, I got just what you need."

The owner goes back into the backroom for about five minutes and comes back with a wheelbarrow, a rake, a hoe, a pick, a shovel, and a bag of lawn seed with a garden hose on top. The guy says, "What the hell is all of this stuff for I don't need any of this shit?"

The owner says, "Listen sir, by the time you go over to your neighbours and borrow the rake and the hoe, and you go over to your mother-in-laws and borrow the wheelbarrow, and the rest of this stuff, you might as well buy it here."

The guy says, "You know something, you have a point, I'll buy it."

Then the owner goes over to the new guy and says, "It's your turn to try it on this lady coming in the door."

So, the kid goes up to her and says, "Ma'am, can I help you?" She says, "I need a box of tampons." "I got just what you need," He goes in the back room for about five minutes and comes back with a wheelbarrow, a rake, a hoe, a pick, a shovel, and a box of tampons right on top.

The lady says, "What the fuck is this shit for, I only need a box of tampons."

The new guy says, "Listen lady, you ain't going to be fucking for a week, so you might as well do some work around the yard."

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense : "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Michael Jackson and the doctor are walking out of the delivery room after his wife gives birth to their son.

Michael says, "How long before we can have sex?"

The doctor says, "At least wait until he's walking."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl, "but I don't know her size."

"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.

"Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours."

"Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves.

"Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs some tampons."

Two idiots were searching the city for something to do, but they only had two dollars on them. They didn't have enough money for any kind of fun, until they were walking around a corner and finally came to a drug store.

Then one idiot quickly entered the store, rushed out a little while later and announced to his friend, "Hey, we can have a lot of fun with this!"

The other idiot said, "What kind of fun can you have with a box of tampons ?"

The first idiot then said, "It say's right here on the box - You can swim, you can play tennis, you can even ride a horse with it."