A man who went to Church with his wife, always had a habit of falling asleep during a sermon. The wife decided to do something about this and on one Sunday, took a long hat pin along to poke him with every time he would doze off. As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out "... and who created all there is in 6 days and rested on the 7th .." she poked her husband who came flying out of the pew and screamed, "Good God All Mighty!"

The minister said "That's right, that's right" and went on with his sermon. The man sat back down, muttering under his breath. He later began to doze off again when the minister got to "... and who died on the cross to save us from our sins ..." the wife hit him again and he jumped up and shouted, "Jesus Christ!"

The minister said, "That's right, that's right" and went on with his sermon. The man sat back down and began to watch his wife and when the minister got to "... and what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second child," the wife started to poke the husband but he jumped up and said, "If you stick that damn thing in me again I'll break it off."

Three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged and one newlywed, wanted to join a church. The priest said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couples all agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replied, "No problem at all, Father." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the priest.

The priest now went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The middle-aged man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights, but, yep, we made it." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the priest.

The priest then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?" "No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly. "What happened?" inquired the priest.

"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it," said the young man. "When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the priest. "We know," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the supermarket anymore either."