A couple, getting ready to go to the theater, was shocked to find that their new Mercedes had been stolen from the garage. They went to the police station to lodge a report but when they returned home they were surprised to find the car parked in front of the house with a note : "My wife was in labour with our first child and I had to take your car." Also attached were two tickets for the show. The couple was touched and forgave the incident.

Then when they came back from the show at the theater, they found their house ransacked. There was a note : "I have to support my son through college haven't I?"

There's this pair of really bad guys. They have been pals their whole lives and together they have done some pretty rotten things. One night they're riding in a stolen convertible, when, all of a sudden, they cross paths with an eighteen-wheeler. One of them is killed instantly. The other hangs on for a few days but finally gives up to the ghost.

He arrives in the hereafter and sees his buddy already surrounded by bottles of wine and beautiful women. Stunned but very happy, the second guy wanders over to his friend who's sitting in a big easy chair watching the babes stroll by and says, "Man, this is great! Did ya ever think we'd get into heaven?"

His friend looks at him and sighs wearily, "This ain't Heaven."

The second guy says, "What d'ya mean, 'This ain't Heaven'? Look at all this wine. Look at all these women."

His friend says, "You see the wine bottles everywhere? They all have holes at the bottom." He pauses to let this sink in, then he says, "And you see all these beautiful women? Well ... they don't."