A young man was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier crying.

He took pity on her and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose?

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the Captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."

"He sure is, lady," the Captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

This guy at the watch mast of a pirate ship yelled excitedly, "Captain, a British battleship is coming our way!" The captain shouted at the cabin boy to bring him his red shirt, while at the same time mobilizing his men into fighting position. The fight was brief and the British battleship was repelled.

A week later, the man at the watch mast yelled excitedly, "Captain, two British battleships are coming our way!" so the captain told the cabin boy to bring him his red shirt. The cabin boy asked, "Why do you have me bring you your red shirt before each battle?" The captain said, "So that when I get stabbed the men won't see me bleeding and stop fighting." The cabin boy said, "Good idea." So they won the battle.

A month later the guy in the watch mast yelled, "Ten British battleships are coming our way!" The cabin boy said, "Red shirt again, captain?" The captain said, "No, brown pants this time."