Mabeline, an elderly lady in a retirement home, was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the corners at maximum speed, pretending she was driving a Ferrari. The other residents tolerated her, and some actually joined in!

One day, Mabeline was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and a male resident stepped out with his arm outstretched. "Stop!" he said in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Mabeline fished around in her handbag on her lap and pulled out a Kit-Kat wrapper which she held up to him. "OK" he said and she went on her way.

After taking the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, another man stepped out in front of her and yelled, "Stop! Have you got a valid road tax for your vehicle, madam?" Mabeline dug into her handbag again and pulled out an old supermarket receipt which she held up to him and he allowed her to carry on.

Going down the final corridor before the front door, a third resident stepped out in front of her. This one was stark naked and was holding a sizable erection in his hand. "Oh No," said Mabeline, "...not the breathalyzer again!"

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his.

Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him.

He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. To his astonishment, the results showed a reading of zero. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."