President Clinton was out jogging one day, when he encountered a man with some puppies. Clinton asked the man what kind of puppies they were, and the man responded, "They're Democrat puppies, Mr. President."

Clinton thought that was so great that the next day he brought the first lady to see these puppies for herself. He asked the man to tell Hillary what kind of puppies they were, and the man responded, "They're Republican puppies."

The president looked puzzled and said, "Yesterday, you told me they were Democrat puppies."

The man smiled and said, "Yesterday, they were. But today, they have their eyes open!"

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next, when his telephone rang ...

"Hallo Mr Bush!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh from Phagwara District, Kapurthala, Punjab. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," Bush replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moments calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Harjit, and the whole kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight of us."

Bush paused. "I must tell you Gurmukh, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Arrey O, main kya ... ," said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again. "Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to get more infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh," Bush asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Harjit's tractor."

Bush sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 17,000 tanks and 20,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one and a half million, since we last spoke."

"Oh teri ..." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day. "Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne ... We've modified Harjit's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have also joined us as ..."

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 15,000 bombers and 28,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded with laser equipment as well as surface-to-air-missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Tera pala hove ..." said Gurmukh, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day. "Kiddan, Mr. Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart, may I ask?"

"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war!"

Snow White, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were talking one day. Snow White said she was the fairest of them all and the other two disagreed. Tom Thumb said he was the smallest of everyone and the other two disagreed. Don Juan said he has had more women than anyone and the other two disagreed again.

They then went to see Merlin, and Snow White went into his office and came right out and said she was the fairest of them all. Tom Thumb went in and came out right away and said he was the smallest of them all.

Don Juan went in and 3 hours later came out screaming, "Who the heck is this Clinton guy?"