As I was surfing the net just the other day, I stumbled upon a site that had this video featuring an array of odd and offbeat stories. That's when I realised that in some countries, "Laugh Therapy", is all part-and-parcel for reducing stress ... now that's what I call, the best medicine!

Believe it or not, these are actual Call Center conversations recorded from various companies. I found them really amusing and thought it would be fun to share them with my readers as well.

Customer : "I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?"
Operator : "Where did you get that number from, Sir?"
Customer : "It was on the door to the Travel Center"
Operator : "Sir, they are our opening hours."

An Electronics Company
Caller : "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator : "I'm sorry, Sir, I don't understand who you're talking about."
Caller : "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide, it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator : "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall."

A Motoring Service
Caller : "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia?"
Operator : "Doesn't the product name give you a clue?"

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in France) : "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

Directory Enquiries
Caller : "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please."
Operator : "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller : "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar, but the 'B' fell off."

Then there was a caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator : "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller : "Yes. That's what it says in the label, 'Woven in Scotland'."

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator : "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on."

Technical Support Center
Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "OK."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "OK, right-click again, do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "OK Sir. Can you tell me what you have done, up until this point?"
Customer : "Sure. You told me to 'write' click and I wrote 'click'."

Tech Support : "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Caller : "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks, will I have my file back again?"

So now, don't forget to join us for Part II, as take on the funny world of Call Centers :)

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next, when his telephone rang ...

"Hallo Mr Bush!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh from Phagwara District, Kapurthala, Punjab. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," Bush replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moments calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Harjit, and the whole kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight of us."

Bush paused. "I must tell you Gurmukh, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Arrey O, main kya ... ," said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again. "Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to get more infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh," Bush asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Harjit's tractor."

Bush sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 17,000 tanks and 20,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one and a half million, since we last spoke."

"Oh teri ..." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day. "Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne ... We've modified Harjit's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have also joined us as ..."

Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 15,000 bombers and 28,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded with laser equipment as well as surface-to-air-missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Tera pala hove ..." said Gurmukh, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day. "Kiddan, Mr. Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart, may I ask?"

"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war!"

A minister passed a group of teenaged boys sitting on the church lawn. "Evening, boys. What are you doing?"

"Nothing much, Pastor," replied the one lad. "We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about his sex life."

"Boys, boys, boys!" intoned the minister. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never thought about sex at all."

The boys looked at each other and then said in unison, "You win, Pastor!"

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Two sweet old ladies were sitting in the park one afternoon, feeding the birds, when a big burly guy walked up, and sat down beside them on the bench. After a minute, one of the old lady's whispered to the other.

"Linda, this dirty bugger is masturbating right next to me!"

"Oh my lord! Well, let's just leave, Jane," her friend replied with disgust.

"I can't," said the other. "He's using my hand."

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Two executives, Mark and Harry, staggered out of their company's holiday party in New York City. Harry crossed the street, while Mark stumbled into a subway entrance. When Harry reached the other side, he noticed Mark emerging from the subway stairs.

"Where've you been?" Harry slurred.

"I don't know," replied Mark, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past six months. The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is. The following day, the wife goes to the doctor's office. The doctor asks her what is wrong, why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband?

"Oh, that's easily explained. For the past six months," the wife says, "I've been taking a cab to work every morning. I don't have any money. The cab driver asks me, 'Are you going to pay today, or what? 'So, I take an 'or what'."

"Then, when I get to work," she continues, "I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'. I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, 'So, are you going to pay this time, or what?' Again, I take an 'or what'."

"So you see, doc, by the time I get home I'm all tired out and don't want it anymore."

"Yes, I see," replies the doctor. "So are we going to tell your husband, or what?"

This gentleman was barely sitting down in the lavatory when he heard a voice from the other stall saying, "Hi, how are you?"

He was not the type to start a conversation or fraternize in men's room at a rest stop but, something seemed to have got into him, so he answers, somewhat embarrassedly : "Not bad!"

And the other guy said, "So, what's up with you?" What a question, the gentleman thought, but at that point, he was thinking this was too bizarre so he answered back, "I'm like you, just travelling east!"

Then the guy said nervously, "Listen! I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions, bye!"

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook, Jane, happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man," he says. "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you," the owner replies. "I'll go get you a dirty fork." He again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli." Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Jane, rub this fork around your panties before I take it to the blind man." Jane complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey, I didn't know Jane worked here?"

This guy at the watch mast of a pirate ship yelled excitedly, "Captain, a British battleship is coming our way!" The captain shouted at the cabin boy to bring him his red shirt, while at the same time mobilizing his men into fighting position. The fight was brief and the British battleship was repelled.

A week later, the man at the watch mast yelled excitedly, "Captain, two British battleships are coming our way!" so the captain told the cabin boy to bring him his red shirt. The cabin boy asked, "Why do you have me bring you your red shirt before each battle?" The captain said, "So that when I get stabbed the men won't see me bleeding and stop fighting." The cabin boy said, "Good idea." So they won the battle.

A month later the guy in the watch mast yelled, "Ten British battleships are coming our way!" The cabin boy said, "Red shirt again, captain?" The captain said, "No, brown pants this time."