A bloke walks into a nearby bar and after awhile decides to go to the john and sees a black man having a piss. He looks at his tackle and says, "Bugger me, look at the size of that knob, how'd you get a knob that big?"

"Well," says the black man, "I come from Africa and in my tribe it is a custom to tie a rock onto a piece of string and then tie a rock onto your knob, the bigger the knob, the greater your status in the tribe".

"Wow!" the bloke said, and away he goes.

A few weeks later he goes to the same bar, and in the john is the black guy again, "Hi there," he says, "I'm taking your advice and I've tied a brick to my knob to make it bigger".

"Oh" says the black man "Is it working?".

"Well," says the bloke, "It's starting to turn black!"

A man is walking around New York with his wife. They find a perfume shop, the wife goes in, and he waits outside.

A hooker comes along and says to him, "Like to come home with me, buddy?"

"For how much?" asks the man.

"One hundred dollars," the hooker answers.

"I'll give you five bucks," he replies.

The hooker swears at him and walks away. A little later, the man's wife comes out of the shop and they continue their walk. As they round the corner, there stands the same hooker.

She takes one look at the man and his wife and says, "HA! See what you get for five bucks?"

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again, as the strain would be too much.

The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he'd better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation. This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs - she's coming downstairs, he's heading up.

"Honey, I have a confession to make," the woman says, her voice quavering. "I was about to commit suicide."

"I'm glad to hear it, sweetie," the man says, "Because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!"

The owner of a large furniture store in the mid-west arrived in France on a buying trip. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. However, she only spoke French and he only spoke English, so each couldn't understand a word the other spoke.

He took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park. Later, he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded, so they went to dinner. After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening.

It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. He was dumbfounded, and has never been able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business!

There's this pair of really bad guys. They have been pals their whole lives and together they have done some pretty rotten things. One night they're riding in a stolen convertible, when, all of a sudden, they cross paths with an eighteen-wheeler. One of them is killed instantly. The other hangs on for a few days but finally gives up to the ghost.

He arrives in the hereafter and sees his buddy already surrounded by bottles of wine and beautiful women. Stunned but very happy, the second guy wanders over to his friend who's sitting in a big easy chair watching the babes stroll by and says, "Man, this is great! Did ya ever think we'd get into heaven?"

His friend looks at him and sighs wearily, "This ain't Heaven."

The second guy says, "What d'ya mean, 'This ain't Heaven'? Look at all this wine. Look at all these women."

His friend says, "You see the wine bottles everywhere? They all have holes at the bottom." He pauses to let this sink in, then he says, "And you see all these beautiful women? Well ... they don't."

Here's a a list of some really funny reasons why alcohol should be served at work, 26 to be exact. Feel free to add in your own "creative" reasons to the list, and I'm pretty sure there's lots more. So guy's ... it's time to get your drinks and put on your thinking caps on ... or more precisely, off ...

1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.
5. It reduces stress.
6. It cuts down on time off because you are willing to work with a hangover.
7. It encourages car pooling.
8. It helps save on heating costs during winter.
9. Increase job satisfaction, because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
10. It makes your fellow employees look better.
11. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
12. The janitor's closet will finally have a use.
13. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked!
14. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
16. It makes the cafeteria food taste much better.
17. Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.
18. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
19. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
20. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
21. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk only during their lunch break.
22. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross".
23. Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be a common language.
24. Everyone suddenly becomes an expert in politics.
25. Everyone agrees work is better after a couple of drinks.

And finally, the most special reason is :
26. Employees start speaking fluent English!