Some people say, the story of marriage is passe (no longer fashionable, out-of-date, etc), as some countries even see an astounding 60% of them end only in divorce. Maybe it's because most couples nowadays are just too busy trying to make ends meet, and not long after, find both their worlds comes crashing down.

Good communication skills are vital in determining a happy marriage life together! (But you people know me better ...... "life need not always be that serious!" right?) Always add laughter into your lives, and surely no obstacle would be too hard to overcome :)

Take this for example :


Before Marriage

• He : Yes at last. It was so hard to wait.
• She : Do you want me to leave?
• He : No! Don't even think about it.
• She : Do you love me?
• He : Of course! Over and over!
• She : Have you ever cheated on me?
• He : No! Why are you even asking?
• She : Will you kiss me?
• He : Every chance I get.
• She : Will you hit me?
• He : Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
• She : Can I trust you?
• He : Yes.
• She : Darling!

After Marriage

• Simply read from bottom to top.

A beautiful princess from a European country visited a small African nation on a sightseeing tour. The King, during a dinner in the princess' honour, out of the blue asked her to marry him. Naturally, the princess was quite taken aback. However, not wanting to cause a diplomatic ripple, she did not reject the king outright. So, she tried to think of a way to dissuade the king from wanting to marry her.

After a few minutes, the princess said to the king, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want you to buy me a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara." The African king paused for a while. Then, he nodded his head and said, "No problem! I buy, I buy."

Realizing her first condition was too easy, the princess said to the king, "I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France." The African king paused for a while. He took out his cellular phone and called some brokers in New York and in France. He looked at the princess, nodded his head and said, "Okay, okay. I build, I build."

Realizing that she only had one last condition, the princess knew that she had better make this a good one. She took her time to think and finally she got an idea, a sure-to-work condition. She squinted her eyes, looked at the king and said, rather coldly, "Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 12-inch penis." The king seemed a bit disturbed. He cupped his face with his hands and rested his elbows on the table, all the while muttering in African dialect. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king rather sadly shook his head and said to the princess, "Okay, Okay. I cut, I cut."

A man walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch please." The bartender hands him the drink and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the man replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration." The bartender was surely not impressed by this, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink, but don't ever let me catch you in here again."

The next day, the same guy walks into the bar. The bartender says, "What the hell are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!" The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" To which the bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."

The man replies, "Thank you! Make it a scotch."

A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was an older man in the driver's seat reading a magazine and a young girl in the back seat calmly chewing bubble gum. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The man looked up, obligingly cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, Officer?"

"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.

"What does it look like?" answered the man. "I'm reading this magazine."

Pointing towards the young girl in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"

The man looked over his shoulder and replied, "I think she's chewing bubble gum."

Confused, the officer asked, "How old are you?"

"I'm forty-five," he replied.

"And how old is she?" asked the officer.

The man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be sixteen."

A smart Chinese guy arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and made love. When finished, the man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep dive under the bed, climbs out on the other side, jumps back into the bed with the hooker and commences a repeat performance.

The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter.

When finished, the Chinese guy runs over to the window, takes a deep dive under the bed, climbs out on the other side, jumps back into the bed with the hooker and starts again.

The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times.

During the fifth encore, she decided to try it herself. So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed, ...... and finds four Chinese men!

An old man went in to see the doctor and said, "Doc, I'm turning eighty tomorrow. I've hired a hooker for the night, and I'd love to do it just one more time before I die. Can you give me something that'll get me up?"

The doctor smiled. "I don't normally prescribe this stuff, but I think in your case I can make an exception for one night."

Later that night, out of concern, the doctor phoned the elderly man and asked, "How's it going?"

"Fabulous." the old man said. "I've cum three times already, but my hand hurts like mad and my willy is all orange."

"That's great," the doctor said, "The hooker must be astounded. But why would your hand hurt and your willy be orange?"

There was a pause and then the doctor heard the old man say, "The hooker called to say that she couldn't come ...... and I have been spending the whole night watching adult video and eating Cheezels."

We're back with Part II as we journey the net to capture the funny side of 'Call Centers' and we take off from where we left off - Part I, actual Call Center conversations !

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'. Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!) :

Operator : 'Mark Spencer, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller : 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator : 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller : 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away'
Operator : 'Went away?'
Caller : 'They disappeared.'
Operator : 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller : 'Nothing.'
Operator : 'Nothing??'
Caller : 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator : 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller : 'How do I tell?'
Operator : 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller : 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator : 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller : 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator : 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller : 'What's a monitor?'
Operator : 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller : 'I don't know.'
Operator : 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller : 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator : 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller : 'Yes, it is.'
Operator : 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller : 'No.'
Operator : 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller : 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator : 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller : 'I can't reach.'
Operator : 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller : 'No.'
Operator : 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
Caller : 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator : 'Dark??'
Caller : 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator : 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller : 'I can't.'
Operator : 'No? Why not??'
Caller : 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator : 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator : 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller : 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator : 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller : 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator : 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!'